man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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