Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
