i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
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