I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Sext me about skeletons
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize