Yo dont text me then not text me
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
