dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I am mentally ready for anal.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
