So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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