It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Randomize
