at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize