Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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