nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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