i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
