Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
