I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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