It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i now understand why vodka
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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