Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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