I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
