3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
