I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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