went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
