dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
