After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize
