a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
