I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This is my gift to your gina
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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