So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
