used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
