Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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