I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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