Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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