So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
