I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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