def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
