Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
