so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
