Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
they're like a gay fantastic four
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
