Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
