so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
