well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
