I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
