some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
