Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
