A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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