im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
