Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
