once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
