i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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