he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
