I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
