we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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