I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
