my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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