ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
