I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
