you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
