Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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