Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
