To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
