Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I am one with the molecules
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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